This month has been an interesting one for me. We are only a few weeks into the New Year, and I have already found myself experiencing stress and worry. Why is that? For me, it generally comes when there is an unknown outcome in front of me. My fear begins to rise, and I completely forget to place my trust in God Almighty. For some reason, I tend to forget all the moments He has brought me through, and I start to wonder about the future and what it might bring. I find myself dreading what lies ahead, and instead of being excited about future prospects, I find it easier to stay where I am and pull the covers over my head–even if I am not completely happy or satisfied in my present circumstances. Growing pains and pressing on are quite difficult activities, and sometimes I would prefer to skip those parts of life altogether.
Of course, this is not possible. Inevitably, life comes with many changes. Some we are very excited about, such as getting a new job, going to college, or moving to a new city. But many events can also be scary, such as moving to a new town, meeting new people, and essentially starting over. It is so important to remember, yet can be easily forgotten, that the Lord is with us each step of the way–no matter where we go. As with most people, there have been many challenges thrown at me during my lifetime. There have been events that have either brought me tears or laughter and I have had to decide how to handle each one.
I found myself in such a situation about a week ago. My life has been one medical journey after the other, and once again, I was required to undergo a medical test–one that I really did not want to pursue even though I knew I had no choice. Sometimes you have to do what is right even when you would rather retreat. As I began preparing for this test, I contacted several friends to pray for me, and I began to pray. On the morning of the test, I didn’t think my heart would ever calm down. It was beating a thousand beats a minute–nerves. I asked God to calm my heart as I prayed for the medical staff I would be dealing with that day. And He calmed my heart. Amazing.
The day was exhausting but bit by bit I made it through each part of the day. I still do not know the results of my test, but I choose to trust in Christ for my tomorrows–even as difficult as that is at times. He is trustworthy. Oddly enough, being at the hospital reminds me of what He has done for me. It brings back memories of particular days, and along the way the people who helped me and encouraged me. I went through years of being sick and watching God take me through very difficult days and now I am able to stand on the other side of so much. I was given a second chance at life–a fellow patient reminded me of this that day.
For most, I know that this story does not seem to connect directly to art or to my literary world; however, somehow it comes full circle back to the message of words, which is the best art in my opinion. As an English major in college, I learned so much about the power of words. Shakespeare used words to direct the plot of his plays, and Dickens used words to teach the public about what was really going on in industrial England. Handel used words to write one of the greatest songs we know today–the “Messiah Hallelujah” chorus. Words convey so much meaning and can inspire anyone.
During my medical test, I remembered the words to Lauren Daigle’s song, “Trust in You.” I had heard it the night before on the radio, and the words to this song matched my feelings perfectly. Here are the lines to the chorus, and I will link the video below:
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
These words bring comfort, yet I know that sometimes these thoughts are harder to believe in at certain times in our lives than others. We want to know what is coming, and we want to understand every aspect of our lives. Why did this event have to happen? What is the purpose? Why did I have to go through something like this? I completely understand these questions, because I have asked them myself. Yet I try to replace these thoughts with knowledge and facts. The fact is that Christ loved me and has never left me. He has never stopped helping me through difficult situations in my life. He has been there walking with me through the good and the bad.
We all have a new year in front of us. Let’s propose to make this year better than ever before by first and foremost trusting Christ with our tomorrows. As always, I have my list of things I want to accomplish this year, but I also want to trust in Christ more–more than I ever have before, because when I don’t know what is going on, He does.